Gum surgery: One week later

I had a checkup yesterday, and all is healing well. Here’s a recap of my first week with Thread in My Mouth.

Damage report: Big gouges out of the roof of my mouth, where they took graft tissue. On my lower gums, four flaps were cut open, filled with the grafts then sewn back together. Frankenstein style.

Pain report: Not bad at all. I was off the narcotics after a few days, and IB handled the rest. I was worried, but this is nothing compared to, say, shoulder surgery, a broken clavicle, a torn thumb ligament, a dislocated thumb or — the worst ever — a case of shingles. From MayoClinic.com: “The pain of shingles can be excruciating, and the cause might not be immediately evident.” I suffered for almost a month. Stress from writing the book.

Thread count: Yesterday they removed the stitches from my upper palate. That was a ticklish, prickly affair. The lower stitches remain for two more weeks.

Oh the colors: My lower mouth area looks ghastly. It’s been a real show — purple, red, yellow, back to red … Dude, I’m a newlywed, and even The Wife can’t bear to look.

Banana and applesauce report: Smash a banana into a bowl. Add your choice of applesauce — ooh, apple and raspberry, I’m a madman! Enjoy in very small spoonfuls. Last night The Wife made me a grilled cheese sandwich, which I disassembled with a knife and fork. Careful mastication. Pure heaven.

All American Healing Badass: When the nurse peeked into my mouth yesterday, the upper damage was almost completely closed. The nurse said I healed almost twice as fast as normal. I replied, “Yeah, healing fast is important in my line of work.” She couldn’t understand me, because there was a pair of scissors in my mouth. Snip, snip.

Listen! After any surgery, do whatever your doctor tells you to do. They told me a lot of patients ignore their directions to rinse with hot salt water, and they end up with nasty infections and mega pain.

Goofus ignores post-operative instructions and suffers extra long. Gallant follow post-op instructions and heals super fast.

Does anyone else remember Goofus and Gallant from Highlights for Children magazine? Talk about dentists’ offices.

When Goofus has a bad ride, he blames his bike. When Gallant makes a mistake, he honestly assesses his abilities then works on his weaknesses.